THIS ENTRY CONTAINS EXPLETIVES
(Sorry if you're easily offended)
What's up, guys?
So I mentioned in my last journal that I was kind of frightened a certain person wasn't up for hanging out with me anymore. That hunch was justified; a once-best-friend seems to barely even contemplate me as a friend anymore, but I guess that's just more drama that the world doesn't need. We'll just be going our separate ways. She's changed, I've changed, and things aren't going back to how they were, quite simply.
Also I'm a little bugged out about an absolute
manipulative, bull-shitting, pussy-seeking piece-of-shit
that continues contacting my boyfriend to meet up and skate etc. Funnily enough it isn't a chick and this isn't a jealous rant, it's another ex-best-friend story; an ex-best-friend of Chris' who happens to absolutely hate my guts, and that is certainly mutual. I've never felt such disgust towards another human being before. Ever.
Not even Bieber.
I'm not going to lie about it. They were very vocal to other people about how they felt about me being with Chris. That pissed me off to no end and practically put him in a 'her or me' -style situation which was completely unfair, only now he keeps reappearing when he knows he's not wanted, but I hate myself for wanting Chris to stay away when he's known him for as long as he ha-- wait, I'll stop ranting now.
All of the above and a sudden art block has pretty much prevented from creating any decent works as of late. It's beginning to truly get me down and has equally made me wonder whether illustration is a good idea when such blocks are so frequent. Maybe I just need to calm myself down and stop worrying so much about pleasing everybody else/not making myself look like an idiot. That's been a huge problem for many years and has done nothing but hold me back.
I'm almost 20 and I'm not as good as I should be as an artist, basically. Nobody's fault apart from my own.
That being said, whenever I hit a block the size of this one it spurs me to work on my skills as a writer. I never publish that stuff... maybe I should?
In other news, I visited London Zoo with le boyfriend today; it was nothing short of fantastic. Out of everything there the otters were probably our favourite, but they didn't half make a racket. We're worried something had happened to the group of them shortly before we saw them for that reason, but they were truly beautiful and we'd caught them a few moments after they'd been released into their enclosure; diving into the water, squeaking and chirping as they went along... doing otter stuff I guess.
Note that otters make the cutest noises in the history of all animal calls.
I almost cried.
But now I have a headache which may well be an early sign of a recurring sinus infection.FUUUUU---
So at least being with Chris has helped me clear my head of all of this crap somewhat. There's a smell of potato wedges (and something else yummy-smelling that I can't quite put my finger on) in the air and the boyfriend is asleep in a planking position on the futon, and his graduation is in 4 days time. Once I head home it's back to uni, so as much as I won't admit it at times there's absolutely tons of stuff to look forward to. Just gotta keep at it and start mellowing out a little more when a problem arises.
In the meantime I'll be letting my subscription run out
so if my header image and custom boxes poof into nothingness like a bunch of tiny ninjas that'll be why, but SweetGeeky will be back soon... -ish. To anybody watching or even reading this; please just be patient with me. I take a long time to change things in my life and a lifelong-negative mindset isn't going to be an easy thing to fix.